Love's a Roller Coaster
by Nekouyoku
Summary: Lavi somehow convinces Kanda to spend a day at a theme park with him. But, what's this? Kanda's afraid of roller coasters...? Rated "T" for language. LavixKanda.


Warning: Crack. Like. More than usual. Like...seriously. Not completely random, but...yeah.

Shonen-ai. Duh.

I don't own -Man, obviously.

So, enjoy your read. Or not.

* * *

Super Secret Official Bookman Records

(Because diaries are for girls and dudes who take it.)

I need to write this down before I forget any of it. Yesterday was possibly the most amazing day ever.

Ever.

Ah, where shall I start…I suppose, the beginning?

Well, this morning…yesterday morning, that is, was spent begging Yuu to go out on a little date with me. I mean, I worded it differently, yeah. I'm not so stupid to think someone like _Yuu_ would agree to something like that. "Oh, yes, Lavi, let's go out on a lovey-dovey _date_ and announce to the whole _world _that we've been secretly crushing on each other for the last month. In fact, why don't I buy you some roses? Oh, we could get _married_. We'll ask Komui to be the flower girl. How does a spring wedding sound?"

…Hm, not bad. That does seem like his style of humor…only maybe a smidge darker.

Anyways, I asked him if he would spend the day at an amusement park with me. Yeah, yeah, a bit cheesy, but I heard a rumor that Yuu was afraid of roller coasters. I just had to know.

So, after around an hour of me following him around and begging him and dropping a couple threats, (actually I think he finally gave up when I threatened to cover him in peanut butter while he was sleeping and then put glitter in all of his shampoo) he finally and reluctantly agreed.

Of course, at this point, he was dressed like a hobo, with his flimsy little button-down shirt he always wears. I wanted to complain, but I wasn't going to push my luck by asking him to change his clothes.

But, fortunately…he actually somewhat cares about how he dresses in public, so he went and changed himself. Yay.

And…oh, man. I don't know _what_ kind of miracle happened in there, I guess I'm just really thankful it was a warm day, because…

Well, there's this outfit he wears when he's training, because he doesn't really like a lot of loose fabric flapping around when he's fighting. (He didn't really like his coat at first, but eventually he got used to it…actually, he still kind of trips over it sometimes. Especially when he's…distracted. Hehe.) So…not a lot a loose fabric equals…

A lot of tight fabric. He hee. I swear, those pants of his are as tight as mine. And and, sometimes his shirt slides up and you can see some of his stomach.

It's super delicious.

I like to watch him train.

…

Ah, where was I? Oh, yeah. Well, that miracle was that he _wore. That. Outfit._

I knoooow, right?

("Lavi, stop staring at my ass." "…oh, what? Oh. Sorry.")

And that's when I decided that it was going to be an amazing day.

* * *

Okay, so, time lapse to the park. I suppose nothing much happened at first…Er, well, I got a bit ticked at the admission girl because she was making eyes at Yuu, but we didn't stay there long enough for anything bad to happen. Now that I think about it, I can't really blame her, what with Yuu dressed like that…oh, well. He's mine, admission girl. _Mine_. Hiss, grr.

…anyways.

Well, I can't really remember the first part of the day. Darn.

I do recall, however, trying to get Yuu to win me one of those giant fluffy bunnies that they have at those games. I mean, honestly, if I he had won, I would have made _him_ carry it around for the sake of seeing him with something that cute, (Yes, yes, other than meee…) but…eh. He refused.

"Oh, you're such a sourpuss, Yuu." "Che."

Hm, lemme see….is there anything _else_ that happened…

He let me hold his hand for a little while, but then started complaining about the looks that people were giving us…

Oh, never mind. The roller coaster part's the best, after all.

* * *

Okay, so, Yuu was being rather boring most of the day, and…well, I think it went something like this:

"Hey, Yuu."

"What." (I don't put a question mark because Yuu doesn't really seem to _ask_ questions. He just kind of…says them.)

"You ever ridden a roller coaster before?"

"…"

"Ha ha, you _haven't_, have you?"

"Che."

"Oh, no, Yuu. That's terrible! Come on, you have to ride one at least _once_. Come on."

"…Why."

"Because I said so and it's fun. Come on!"

And I didn't give him time to argue after that, because I grabbed his hand and pulled him all the way to the biggest and scariest roller coaster in the park.

I know. I'm a bad person.

* * *

Of course, the line was pretty damn long, but whatever. I was with _Yuu_. (I kind of lagged behind him a little most of the time…All the better so see him with. He hee.)

And, well, he seemed pretty freaked out.

I mean, most people probably couldn't tell at first. He's pretty good at hiding his emotions, after all. But he was fidgeting a lot. Like, he was constantly fixing his shirt, (he's no fun…) scuffing his boot against the ground…and picking the imaginary dirt out from under his fingernails. (Honestly, I have no idea how he keeps his hands so clean.)

But as we neared the front of the line, he started getting worse. It was kind of cute, if I do say so myself. I started feeling a little bad, though…

Eh, just a little. A tiny bit. Not enough to regret anything.

So I walked up beside him and slid my hand into his, (I'm so smooth) you know, to comfort him.

(I think I heard the girls behind us giggle and say, "Ohhhhh…." or something like that, like they 'kind of guessed that'. I'll bet it was Yuu's pants that tipped them off. Totally.)

"You okay, Yuu?"

"Shut up, Lavi."

Ah, he's so proud. Evidently he didn't realize he was _squeezing my hand to death_…

Seriously. By the time we got to the front of the line, I couldn't feel my hand. At all.

So we got our seats in the roller coaster caaaar…

(Those girls got the seat behind us. I'll bet they enjoyed this next part nearly as much as I did. Haha)

I'll have to admit, Yuu did pretty good for the ride up the first hill. After all, that's the scariest part of the whole thing. The ride up. Yeah…Of course, by "pretty good", I mean he was only clutching the bar so much that his knuckles where white. He was probably clenching his teeth, too, but…Yeah, you probably couldn't tell by his face.

I leaned over and gave him a kiss on the cheek, ("Squee!" go the fangirls) just to be annoying like I am.

"I'm right here if you need me, Yuu~"

"Shut _up_, Lavi."

By this point he was talking through his teeth.

The roller coaster car reached the top of the hill…

"Oh, god—"

"Here goes, Yuu!"

Weeeeeeeeeee, down we went! Yuu yelled, of course. (Not quite the girly shriek I was hoping for…oh, well, I guess that's a bit too much to ask. Haha)

I had to hold onto my headband as we went down, lest it fly awaaay…

Okay, at this point I was starting to feel a little bad for doing this to Yuu, honestly. That's probably the widest I've ever seen his eyes before, and I think he forgot to breathe for a second.

"It's okay, Yuu, there's only one more…"

"There's _another_ one?" (Yes, there's a question mark this time.)

Yeah, the _big_ one. Oh, the big one. I loved the big one. I bet the fangirls loved the big one, too.

Alright, so, upupup the hill (no clever dialogue this time). And at the top of it…Yuu let go of the bar, right? Yeah. He let _go_ of the bar…and he grabbed onto me.

Ahahaha, seriously, he did. He wrapped his arms around my shooouldeeerrs…I didn't even _dare_ to _hope_ for that much. But here Yuu was, being a clingy pansy. Ooooh, he was so cuuute…

I'm not sure whether the fangirls were screaming because of the drop or because of us.

Hey, you know, now that I think about it, I think he bit onto my sleeve, too.

Nice.

* * *

Best. Roller coaster. Ever.

Now, let's see…after we get off…

You know, I don't think I've ever heard Yuu talk so much.

"That was terrible. It was…frightening. What kind of idiot came up with something like that? 'Hey, isn't falling down four stories _fun_? Let's make people pay for it!' I mean, seriously, you might as well jump off a fucking building, honestly. You're crazy, Lavi, for liking those things. I really don't see how any—mmmmf?!?!"

…that interruption was me kissing him. Fuck yeah.

(I think I heard another "squee" somewhere…the fangirls were probably following us.)

"W…what was _that_ for?"

"You were talking too much."

"…oh."

"And because that outfit is just way too damn sexy to resist."

"…"

You should have seen his face. Haha. For one, it was red, yeah, but…Like, one of his eyes squinted up, and his mouth kind of twitched. I think it was a classic example of, "Do not know if want…?"

Yeah. Perfect face, there. Kudos, Yuu, turns out you're capable of expressing emotions through facial expressions! (I hadn't known.)

* * *

But, you know, I kept seeing the same group of girls around us everywhere we went…I really _do_ think that those fangirls were following us…Creepy…

I thought about putting on a show for them, but…eh. No freebies. If I was going to put on a show, the only actors there had better be _me_ and _Yuu_. Hmph…

So, what else happened...?

* * *

"Oh, please, Yuu, won't you try and win me a stuffed animal? _Please_?"

"_Why_ do you _want_ one?"

"Well, if I don't have one to cuddle with, then I'll just have to cuddle with you, instead."

"…alright, fine."

Ste--_rike_. He's so gullible…(But that's why I love him.) (Oh, his pants, too.)

So, I looked around for a game that wasn't based on luck, because _I_ knew my Yuu had skills. (Well, I don't quite know that _yet_, but……I'll be quiet now.)

I spotted one of those classic bottle games. You know, throw the ball and knock down the bottles that are probably lead-based and weigh, like, ten pounds each. No problem.

"How about that one?"

"Whatever."

So I gave the buy at the booth a dollar and he gave Yuu a Wiffle ball. Well, at least they're giving people _some_ chance.

"Aim for the base."

"Huh? Why?"

"Because I'm smart."

"…che."

He shoots, he…scores! All three bottles came toppling down. That's my Yuu~

"Oh, wow, nice shot, man! What prize do you want?"

At this point Yuu looked over at me.

"Ah….that one, thanks."

There was this awesome black-and-white jester-patterned rabbit they had. And it was, like, two and a half feet tall. And really fluffy. I have it with me right now! He he. The fur on it is, like, an inch long…

"That was awesome, Yuu!"

"Che."

I don't think he liked my bunny…maybe he wanted to cuddle with me, after all. Haha. Well, all he has to do is ask.

* * *

"Yuu, hold this."

And I shoved the bunny into his arms and ran off somewhere.

"…what the hell."

Honestly, I saw someone selling balloons a couple seconds back, and I had a plan. It was a bit far-fetched, but I thought it might work. Maybe.

So, I got a balloon (a whole dollar for a _balloon_. That's just ridonkulous. Oh, well.) and I poked a hole on the bottom of it. Yaaay, helium. Of course I covered it up so I would have enough for later. Yay.

So, now, how to get Yuu to inhale it…?

Well, I could…nah…

Yeah, I came up with a pretty wild plan, but, hey, might as well.

* * *

First, I found Yuu. He seemed pretty pissed. Haha. Per par.

I went up behind him…

And in one swift, dramatic motion, I stuck the balloon in front of his mouth…and…I bit his neck.

Yeah, kinky.

It made him gasp, though, which was what I was going for.

"Usagi, what the he-"

Oh, god, it was hilarious. He got a dose of helium, all right. I think my side still aches from laughing.

"AUGH, what did you do to my voice? What the fuck?? It's…Ah, it's stopped."

"Aha oh god-- aha --Yuu…That. Was. _Great_."

He just kind of stood there looking horrified for a little bit.

"Oh, come on, Yuu, it was just a joke. See?"

And I inhaled some, just to be fair.

"Oudzuchi Kodzuchi~"

And I'm sure he would deny it, but I think I saw a little smile there.

Psh, he knows I'm cute.

* * *

A.N NOW.

Eruhm, first things first, I know full well that Kanda is in no way possibly at all afraid of roller coasters. That's just...well, I told you this was crack beforehand.

Also, I seem to enjoy writing as Lavi. Hum.

R&R please. C:


End file.
